About Me

About Me

So you want to know about me, huh? Ah ha ha ha ha! That's the oldest trick in the book. You clicked "About Me" and now you have a temporal vortex under your bathroom sink. The next time you open it to get the toilet bowl cleaner, you will be sucked through and extruded into the Silurian period like Play-Doh® Barber Shop hair.

If you've looked at my Art page you already know I'm an artist. If you've looked at my blog, you know I'm a pigment geek, color freak, materials enthusiast, and have many things to say about the creative process. But there are many things still unknown. Here are a few in no specific order of importance:

Making up ridiculous stories is one of my favorite things to do. I write paranormal and sci-fi satire.

I love television shows and movies about zombies or giant predators that have been mutated or cross-bred or genetically engineered by a megalomaniacal scientist. I'll even watch a David Hasselhoff movie if it has zombies or a shark/octopus cross breed in it. In case you didn't know, there is a great one called Mega Python vs. Gatoroid starring Debbie Gibson and Tiffany that is particularly life-altering.

Chocolate chip cookie dough and ice cream are not safe around me. I will eat it all. Bring all ice cream and cookie dough to me immediately.

I have lexical-gustatory synesthesia, which means that most words cause me to taste and/or smell something, almost always food, beverages, or flowers.

My favorite movies are Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, 9 to 5, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra and MST3K's Manos, the Hands of Fate. (Hmmmm ... seems like there's some sort of theme emerging here.)

My favorite authors are Flannery O'Connor, Kurt Vonnegut, and Alice Walker.

Cooking is one of my favorite things to do and I'm growing a small herb garden for that purpose. Why buy dried up basil in a plastic container when you can go out and snip some off a plant? It's madness, I tell you!

I'm from Parkersburg, West Virginia and that's why I get to ridicule it with impunity. There are some cool things about this town, but also plenty of material for my scathing satire.